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James Wants to See Randy Quaid’s Face on a Pug


I TELL YOU WHAT. WE HAVE AN INCREDIBLE GRAPHICS
DEPARTMENT HERE AT THE “LATE LATE SHOW.” AND I’VE REALIZED THAT USING
THEIR SKILLS, I CAN SEE LITERALLY ANYTHING. ANYTHING AT ALL. ANYTHING I WANT TO SEE. SO I THOUGHT I’D LET THEM GO
HOG-WILD AND PUT TOGETHER SOME THINGS THAT I MIGHT OTHERWISE
NEVER GET TO SEE. THIS IS JAMES WANNA SEE IT. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>>James: SO FIRST I SAID TO OUR STAFF, THEY ASKED WHAT I
WANTED TO SEE, AND I SAID “I WANNA SEE A WHEEL.” THEY SAID “DONE.” THEN I SAID “I WANNA SEE A WHEEL
OF WHAT I WANNA SEE.” THEY SAY “I’M SORRY.” THEY SAY “WHAT?”
>>James: I SAY “LISTEN. SO THIS HERE IS
THE WHEEL O’ WANNA SEE. WHAT JAMES WANNA SEE. ON IT, THERE ARE OPTIONS OF
THINGS THAT JAMES MIGHT WANNA SEE. NOT WHAT THE BAND MIGHT WANNA
SEE. NOT WHAT YOU MIGHT WANNA SEE. WHAT JAMES WANNA SEE. NOT WHAT THIS IMPECCABLY DRESSED
STUDIO AUDIENCE WANNA SEE. THAT’S MY POINT MADAM, NOT WHAT
YOU WANT TO SEE. IT’S WHAT JAMES WANT TO SEE IT. IF JAMES WANT TO SEE IT WE’LL
SEE IT. TO BE CLEAR, IN THIS SITUATION
I’M JAMES. THE JAMES IN THE JAMES WANNA SEE
IT IS I. I BE — THIS JAMES, YOU SEE
WHERE IT’S THIS JAMES, RIGHT? I’M THAT JAMES. THAT JAMES IS ME. THAT’S THE JAMES THAT I BE. GOT IT? GOT I.T? GOT IT? NO? WHO IS JAMES? WHICH JAMES IS IT? NO, YOU’VE GOT TO LISTEN! OKAY. LET’S DO THIS AND SEE WHAT WE
FIND OUT. OKAY. A PUG WITH THE UNMISTAKABLE FACE
OF RANDY QUAID. DO YOU WANNA SEE IT? WELL I DON’T GIVE A (BLEEP)
OKAY? WHAT’S YOUR NAME? DAS IT SAY CLAIRE WANNA SEE IT? DOES IT? WHAT DOES IT SAY? EXACTLY. WELL DONE. YOU LISTENED! A FUG WITH THE UNMISTAKABLE FACE
OF RANDY QUAID. DOES JAMES WANNA SEE IT? JAMES WANNA SEE IT. THAT IS THE UNMISTAKABLE FACE OF
RANDY QUAID. ALL RIGHT, LET’S FIND OUT. IF LUMIER FROM BEAUTY AND THE
BEAST HAD HOT DOGS INSTEAD OF CANDLES IN HIM, WHAT ABOUT THIS
GUY ON A HOT DAY? DO YOU WANNA SEE IT?>>DOESN’T MATTER.>>James: YOU’RE RIGHT! DO IEN WAN IF A SEE IT? WELL, THAT, THAT IS QUESTION. AND THAT’S THE QUESTION I’M
GOING TO ASK MYSELF RIGHT NOW. IF LUMIER FROM BEAUTY AND THE
BEAST HAD HOT DOGS INSTEAD OF CANDLES IN HIM, DOES JAMES WANNA
SEE IT? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ JAMES WANNA
SEE IT! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ JAMES WANNA
SEE IT! ALL RIGHT. A JURY THAT IS COMPRISED
EXCLUSIVELY OF TOM HANKS CHARACTERS. (APPLAUSE)
>>James: IS THAT YOU SAYING YOU WANNA SEE IT AUDIENCE? DO YOU WANNA SEE IT? DO YOU WANNA SEE IT? DO YOU WANNA SEE IT? DO YOU WANNA SEE IT? DO YOU WANNA SEE IT? WELL, I DON’T CARE! DOES JAMES WANNA SEE IT? DOES JAMES WANNA SEE IT? ALL RIGHT, I DON’T WANNA SEE IT. I DON’T WANNA SEE IT. CAN’T HELP IT. SOMETIMES THE GAME WILL BRING
DISAPPOINTMENT. STEVE HARTSLEY FOR HIS MUSTACHE,
HIS AND HIS EYEBROWS ARE HIS MUSTACHE. OF COURSE JAMES WANNA SEE IT. THAT WAS JAMES WANNA SEE IT. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE
“LATE LATE SHOW,” EVERYBODY.

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