They can’t all be Air Bud.
Hey dip-(bleep), maybe you quit
feeding your dog tacos, he’d have better eyesight. My insensitive staff
found this video hysterical. It’s animal cruelty
as far as I’m concerned, so I challenged them to see
if they could do any better. This is definitely the wrong way
to eat a Reese’s. Chocolate and peanut butter,
a classic combination. Is that Eagle-Eye Cherry? It’s been a long time
since Save Tonight. Alright, enough
with the foreplay, now slather some on your dong.
That guys make a healthy snack. Thank you. That reminds me, my mom used
to make the best ants on a log, and she’d hold the raisins ’cause I don’t like raisins
or peanut butter. And then she’d put
a side of ranch out there with some buffalo wings.
“That’s not ants on a log.” You mind your goddam business.
That woman is a saint. The next girl’s transition
will be complete on the premier of I Am Canine. How about we meet
my parents another time. Is it just me or does Vanessa
have resting bitch face? I was gonna paint myself
like my dog but my dog’s face is mostly
black and I thought, “Ehhh.” Wow, it is all worth it when she gets to fly
under the plane for free. I dated this Hollywood
makeup artist who used to come to bed
all done up like that. Come to bed.
Kiss kiss. Your makeup looks especially
realistic tonight. Looks like someone had
a couple of beers, passed out watching
Animal Planet. His owner must be an ugly
mother-(bleep). Now draw a red rocket on his
for getting up on the furniture. I wonder what
he’s dreaming about. Yeah, I miss my balls too. I lost them in
a teabagging accident when I worked
at the container store. Don’t want to talk about it. This is just what happens after you sniff out
one too many heroin busts. No, drop it.
Drop it! You can share that
’cause dog needles are cleaner
than human needles. Please respect that dog fighting
is a big part of my culture. Tonight’s undercard brought
to you by cutedogfighting.com. In the black and white coat,
a Havanese, Castro. In the beautiful honey-brown
coat, also a Havanese, Eva. The two dogs fighting
for the championship tonight are brother and sister. It’s time! And the winner… is Eva!