Mark: Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome back to Try Not to Laugh! (Elevator music) Jerma: “Having a cigarette?” Jerma: “Yeah, sometimes I like to smoke down here-” *GETS HIT BY BIKE* (Jerma and Star_ laugh) (Jerma and Star_ continue to laugh.) Star_: “Oh, that was a headshot!” (groan) Can I get a replay on that one? (Mark struggles again) Mark: (groan) I’m fine! Mark: Agh! Mark: *Sarcastically* Oh boy. (Grunts) (Cameraman snickers, then starts to motorcycle chuckle.) Cameraman: (Inhales) Cameraman: AAAAAH(WheEEeeEze)AHAHAHAHA!!!! Mark: Agh, no! I ca– NO. Mark: No, we just– (pause, clears throat) Mark: We JUST started. We CANNOT be laughing this early. Mark: Good God.. (Waffle iron sizzling.) *farts* (Camera man laughs) Girl in background: “It farted!” (Cameraman continues laughing) *Mark breaths trying to calm himself down* *Aahh* *Aarrgg* *Farts again* *Cameraman laughs again* Mark: Why is THAT funny?! That’s NOT FUNNY. That is NOT- how is that funny… Mark: In what world- *Fart sound escapes waffle iron* *Laughter ensues* Mark: UGH!! THAT’S NOT FUNNY– not funny… *Distant chatter* Guy in Video: Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair! *Open door* (Mark Struggling to Not Laugh) O_O *OOP* Mark: Huh Patriotic Man: “What up you fat piece of shit?” “GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY!!” *Distorted version of “Frosty the Snowman” plays* Man (in German): “SHIT!” *Markimoo clears his throat* That’s just unexpected. That’s not that- *clears his throat again* Sorry, had something in my throat. Woman in car: “NO NO NO NO!! Aaaaaahhh!” +Children scream annoyingly loud.*
As buff- pig- co- Thing goes “ELLELELELEL” *lowly* That was pretty funny… *Cat: After i get out i will beat the crap out of u HOOMAN* Man in video: “WOO WOO!” Rooster: WOO WOO! *Man: (laughs)* *”If you’re happy and you know it” plays* Mark: Don’t do it… *SLAP* *SLAP* *Failure messes with Mark* Mark: That’s SO MEAN! It’s so mean! You’re a meanie! *WHAP* *Mark grunt-laughs as the video plays again* *WHAP* A-huaa-hoo, I’m dyin’! I’m dyin’! I’m DYIN’! *No you’re not, Mark* Man in video: “STOP!” “You violated the law!” (o no) “Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence!” “Your stolen goods are now forfeit!” *Silence as we realize how much of a throwback this is.* “Then pay with your blood!” *Epic music ensues* *Legit Oblivion* *weht* “Why…” “…won’t…” “…you…” “…DIE?!” “Arg!” “Reauughhh!” “Hm! *dies*” *Mark groaning* *Mark slaps his nips* I haven’t seen that one before. *giggles* I haven’t seen that one before. *Man in video: “Ah, it’ll be fine”* “Just think of how delicious you’re gonna be, you’re gonna make a great sandwich.” “In fact I named you after your eventual fate.” “But we can’t have the girl die, so how about the pig dies?” “Why is that guy still wearing a plastic bag on his head?” *POOF* Raw pork HAHAHHAHA (INHALE) AHHAHAHHAHA (INHALE) HHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHHAHA (INHALE) (Man Keeps Laughing While Mark is Trying to not Laugh) *clears throat* It’s fine… Voiceover: “And though we’ve eliminated the threat of the enemy flying planes into buildings…” *A horrible terrorist attack happens background* “…No one was prepared for terrorists flying two buildings into the sides of planes.” (b o o m) “No one was killed, but a lot of people were surprised.” *Mark SNoRTs* *Man: “They did pull a gun on me when I got back around the house, because I guess he thought I was upset with him.”* *”Who steals a cheese grater?”* *”He’s got the works: Lysol, h-he stole an empty bottle of spray?”* *Man: What got me the most was mah soap!* *Man: He stole MAH SOAP!* *Man: Who steals SOAP?!* *Mark giggles* Who steals Soap? Who does? Who– What kinda asshole? C’mon, man. that’s not cool. Don’t do that (X2) Stop it. Get some help. Mark: Oh yeah, this one. No. Salesman: “HEW HAH HEWH*SLAM* HAWH HAWH *SLAM* ” (Times 95 million) *This goes on for some time* EHG Mark : I swear, I’ve might- I might have seen that one before… *party blower sound* *Baby: “AHHHHHHHHH!!”* *Ha ha.* *Guy: “ARCHIE!!!”* *”SHOW ‘EM HOW AMERICAN YOU ARE!!!”* *Two more people laugh hysterically in the background as the guy punches his self in the face/head* I mean yeah, that is the way we do it in America. (This is the greatest flag–) Woman in video: “Hi, Geraldine!” *REEEEEEEAAHHHRRR* *REEEEHAAAHAHHH* *RAWWWR* Mark: That’s a good dog. *strained* *EEERH* *EEEERH* *EEEEERRRH* *EEEEERH* (Times 87 billion.) Girl: “Alright.” Guy: “Baby, when I tell you, Popeye’s will bless yo soul, do you hear me?” “These biscuits–” “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” *John Williams music and lightsaber sounds* Mark: Oh, no Mark: Is this gonna be horrifically racist? Japanese female computer voice: “Itsu ovaa Anakin. Ai havu za hai graundo.” Japanese Anakin: “Yuu undaestimeto mai pawaa.” Japanese Obi-Wan: “Donto torai it.” Anakin: “AAAAAAAA” Mark: *dies* Anakin: “OOOhhhhh.” Anakin: “Uuuuuu” Anakin: “OOOhhhhh.” Anakin: “Uuuuuu” Anakin: “OooOOOOHHHhh.” Mark: *laughs a little harder* *Mark regains his composure for about 18 seconds* Obi-Wan: “Yuue aa de chozen wan.” Obi-Wan: “Itto wazu saido datto yuu worudo destoroi za Shissu notto join dem.” Obi-Wan: “Buring baransu tu za Foosu notto reev itto in daakness.” Anakin: “OOOhhhhh.” Anakin: “Uuuuuu” Anakin: “AH!” Anakin: “Ai heto yuu.” Anakin: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” This boi must’ve put in so much work. Proud of him. Oh, my god. *pained* That’s so funny. Ehehehehe I’m sorry I laughed. AplFisher (reading chat): “‘-how little you care about your audience I think you’ll get a kick from this:” ‘I got hit by a car on the way to work today.'” (Not reading) “WHAT???!?” (Reading) “‘My 500 euro bike is beyond repair…’ ‘…my neck is stiff and I can barely raise my arm, but my boss made me go to the doctors…’ ‘…and I got the morning off.’ *unsure uhhh from AplFisher* (Tiny what? by mark) ‘That’s a win in my book'” “DUDE, YOU GOT HIT BY A CAR THAT’S NOT A WIN, DUDE.” Reading another message: “Crazy story, I was on my way to work today, and some dumbass…” “…cyclist pulled out in front of me.” “Naturally I ran him over. These fuckers think they own the road or something.” Another story: “So my mom was driving me home from school today…” “…and a cyclist swerved in front of us and we hit…” “…him. These goddamn cyclists fishing…” “…for insurance money.” “Hey Aidan… “‘…I am so sorry that that happened to you.'” “Wow, so many accidents with bikes today, all around the same time.” “‘Funny story, just…’ ‘…watched some guy on the street watch some biker get…’ ‘…hit by some car and complain about…’ ‘…the cyclist as he didn’t help the poor man. Fucked up world.'” “‘Funny story, I was on the porn set while this fluffer was getting…’ ‘…pounded hard. *starting to laugh* He was constantly…’ ‘…grumbling about seeing the guy on the…’ ‘…street watching a bike accident.’ ‘Clearly a cryp car who’s top d–‘ *both break into laughter* *regaining composure* “‘Clear- Clearly…’ ‘…a cryp car whose top deck he didn’t…’ ‘…reckon wouldn’t stop for some fucking…’ ‘…Euro bike scrub.'” *laughs and wheezes* “‘Funny story, today I…’ ‘…was returning home in my landspeeder when…’ ‘…some ignorant fuckboy cut me…’ ‘…in his rinky dink…’ ‘…little podracer, so I ran him over and then killed his family…’ ‘…as he looked on in horror.'” *Both laugh* “‘Seagull: So I was flying my *breaks* usual route today…’ ‘…and saw some dude on a bike get hit by a car.’ ‘I shit on him and flew away.'” *Markimoo laughs as AplFisher leaves* “‘Stevie Wonder: Yo, I didn’t see shit'” *Both men completely lose it* Narrator: It’s a pile of balls. Mark: Yeah, yeah it is. Yeah it’s a- *Goofy music plays* Mark: Enghh?? (Don’t ask us, Mark, we are just subtitles) *SUDDEN BEAR CONCERT OF EDM* *Mark lets the giggles out* *Music repeats as Mark continues laughing hysterically* Mark: The only reason why that one makes me laugh at all, it’s because it was just unexpected. (Sure Mark.) Girl: Not to be racist or anything… But Asian people… sssSAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- *Mark processing girl’s laughter in his mind* Mark: WHAT WAS THAT?! (Video repeats with Mark laughing at the background of the video) Uzumaki Khan: “WHAT?! WHAT’S GOING ON?!?!” “WHAT THE– JACK, HE AIN’T DEAD!!” “THE MOM’S DEAD!!” “HUH?!?!” “WHAT THE?!? WHAT THE??!?!” *Prop door falls* *Crashes* “fUcK!!!” *The man straightens the prop door and the anime continues to play* “I MISSED IT!! I MISSED IT!” “PIRATE KING!!?!!? *Prop wall faints* “FuCk!!!” *Short giggles* Guy on Coaster: “No, No! NO! NO!!” “OH SHI–” *Windows XP Shut Down music plays* *Camerawoman laughs* *Screams* *Windows XP Starting music plays* *Marky laughs* *Windows XP Shut down music plays again* *Mark laughs* *Windows XP Starting music plays again* *Mark laughs again* Guy in Coaster: “WOAH! WOAH! OH, OH SHI–” *Windows XP Shut Down music repeats with Mark laughing* *Mark laughing* *Windows XP Starting music repeats* Mark: I can’t t– I can’t tell– Mark: I can’t tell– *Windows XP Shut Down music repeats, interrupting Mark* Mark: I can’t– I can’t tell if– *Windows XP Starting music repeats, interrupting Mark* Mark: I can’t– Oh, jeez. Oh, I can’t tell if- if, uh… if he was like… doing it as a joke… …or if he really was passing out and waking up like that. ‘Cause, oh man. That’s gotta be bad for you. Alright, well, another day, another loss, umm… I have nothing important to say, I have nothing important to remind you of, I have nothing to say at all… So, uh… if you want more… *motions to end screen icons* Thank you everybody so much for watching! Have a lovely day. And as always, I will see you… in the next video. Buh-bye!